English 451

It started out like any other day. I went to the playground to play alone. I had only one friend, Siri, but I couldn’t even trust him anymore. That’s the story of my life, I’m so much of a freak that the only person who would hang out with me became an even bigger freak. Siri had part of his brain shortly before this incident in order to fight off epilepsy; after the operation, he was just so different. He seemed to emotionless, so robot like, I couldn’t bear to be around him anymore.  So, with my thick glasses and acne, I was left to play alone. Of course, I wouldn’t be alone for long that day.

There were six of them. I recognized Rex, the school bully. He had made my life hell for as long as I could remember. This wasn’t good.

“Hey mongrel,  this playground doesn’t belong to you.” Rex taunted.

Wishing to avoid conflict, I nervously said “I don’t wait any trouble Rex. I was just playing, here I’ll be on my way…”

“You’re not going anywhere, polly!”

Rex punched me right in the face. It had been a while since my last run in with Rex’s crew. Before I could get up, I was surrounded, with Rex and his thugs beating me. It was so chaotic I can’t even remember their taunts. I hesitantly raised my arms to ward off their attacks, hoping that it would be enough to avoid injury, while not provoking them into thinking I was trying to hit back. I was terrified, and thought I would die.

Just then, two of the goons went down, having been hit by a rock. Then I saw Siri, approaching the playground. Rex went to confront him, but Siri knocked him out cold with one punch. The remaining three thugs ran off, I remember one yelling “Fucking zombie!” As I picked myself up after that ordeal, I saw Siri looking at the punks he had just knocked out. I grabbed his arm, and ducked just in time as he punched me.

He reacted “Oh. Sorry”

Thinking about what just happened, I paniced “Oh shit oh shit oh shit…”

“You alright?”

“You…I mean you never…oh man are we in trouble.”

“They started it”

“Yeah, but you-I mean look at them.”

By now the goons were crawling away. I started at Siri. I mean, yeah he saved me from Rex, but I least I know Rex is a thug. Ever since Siri had that damned operation, what was he anyway? Finally, I broke the ice “You’da never done that before”

He knew I meant before the operation, saying again “They started…” Noticing the bloody rock still in Siri’s hand, I interupted “What are you doing? Put that down!”

Siri dropped the rock and continued “I was trying to help”

At this point, I felt kind of bad. I could tell he believed he had done the right thing, and he had saved me. Still, I had no idea how to react, and moved away slowly, saying “You’re, you’re not the same, you’re not even Siri anymore!”

“I am too. Don’t be a fuckwad”

“They cut out your brain!”

“Only half. For the ep-”

“I know, for the epilepsy! You think I didn’t know? But you were in that half-or like part of you was…” I struggled to express my thoughts “And now you’re different. It’s like, your mom and dad murdered you-”

Siri cut me off “My mom and dad saved my life. I would have died.”

“I think you did die. I think Siri died, they scooped him out, and threw him away and you’re some whole other kid that just, just grew back out of what was left. You’re not the same. Ever since. You’re not the same.”

Not a day goes by when I don’t think back to this conversation. I did get my issues with Siri out, despite how I must have hurt his feelings, it felt good to finally articulate my issues. But at what cost? Yes I had my problems with what happened to Siri, but he had just saved me, and for better or worse, he was my only friend. My lack of gratitude towards Siri that day continues to haunt me.

I had found the original text of this early scene of the novel interesting as an early experience that shaped Siri’s life, especially after undergoing the operation and having part of his brain removed. I have been curious over what Pag may have been thinking as he was saved by someone who was his only friend, yet had changed dramatically following the operation. In rewriting this scene from Pag’s perspective, I imagined how disturbed Pag must have been in the changes in Siri’s personality to explain how cold he was towards his friend.